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Making the site more secure for you
March 20, 2017

Dear members,

Starting today, you'll notice that there's a padlock next to the domain name in the address bar. This is because we've just implemented secure browsing.

This means that everything you now do on this site is protected and secure.

If you notice anything unusual following the change please email...more

Make the date or wait?
June 21, 2016

For some time now it has always been the men's job to make the date. They are the ones to make the first approach in a bar, or to ask for a lady's number, but surely this is a relic of the past?

Research has shown that on average, men don't...more

Happy new year
January 20, 2014
Congrats all, you've safely made it into 2014! I love starting a new year. For some reason, it really feels like you can turn your mind off to all the undesirables in the previous year, and start afresh with everything good!

I've done the same with this website....
more

Farewell Madiba
December 12, 2013
We all knew this day would come, Madiba lived a great life which should be celebrated. Personally I was surprised by the amount of emotion in the South Africans, myself included. I can just offer my thanks for having been alive and living in South Africa to share in part...more

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It was going so well...what happened??
February 24, 2010

There seems to be a new phenomenon of late whereby a first date seems to go extremely well and may well lead on to a second date and then all of a sudden it's over. Why would this happen when everything seemed so right? The chemistry was there, shared interests and the kissing was good too so what happened? I wish I had an answer to this one as it has happened to me a couple of times and each time it has left me pondering how many different variables are involved in making a successful relationship. I do however have some theories that may at least ease the pain of the rejection.

Firstly, people are complicated when it comes to issues of the heart and to the most part we have spent many years cultivating in our heads just what our ideal partner would be. These expectations we have of people can put an enormous strain on a forming relationship and it is important to give people a little leeway. Understandably, people do make allowances for failed expectations however the truth is that a little too much wine can lower our expectations a little too much and make us act in a way that is not true to our real feelings. It's only when the date is over and the effects of alcohol subside do we realize that the person really isn't suitable at all.

Secondly, most people have some sort of emotional baggage whether that takes the form of an unresolved previous relationship or emotional fear of becoming attached again. I have often wished that people could be more up front about any concerns like this but often they are not and unfortunately, people find it easier to lie themselves out of a difficult emotional situation.

Thirdly, an old boyfriend or girlfriend wants them back and your date was in a sense using you to see if they are up to starting another relationship or not. This situation is probably the worst as you will find it extremely difficult to compete with someone your date has history with. On old partner will not require all the time and effort involved in starting again and represents a comfortable way out of the dating scene.

Finally, and possibly the most difficult to swallow is that perhaps you were just too keen and got a little carried away. It's such a hard balancing act to do, knowing when the time is right to open up your emotions to someone and yet be sure that you're not making yourself too vulnerable. It's even harder when all the signals are telling you that it's ok to be swept away, especially if the date has taken on quite an intimate nature.

So what can you do now? The most sensible thing you can do is to reflect on what has happened and file it away in your experience drawer in the safe knowledge that you are that much wiser on the dating scene. Take it slower next time and don't be too quick to allow yourself to fall. Be sure the signs are right and trust your instincts. If there is a niggling doubt in your mind about something, generally there is something wrong and it's only the ecstasy of falling in love that is preventing you from facing it.


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