Your relationship has come to an end. That may or may not be a pity. Of course, it makes a difference whether it was you who ended it or your partner. In either case, you have to move on, but how? Once you've cut the knot, you can't escape these three phases.
Phase 1: Surprise
Even if you have made the decision to end the relationship after careful reflection, you will experience a phase of surprise in the first few days after the break-up. The road to the point where you stop is often a long one, and when the knot is cut, you think you've "made it". But then it begins. The period that follows will surprise you. To your overflowing energy to get things done, like finding a new place to live, moving house, or the angry and nasty behaviour of your ex that you have never seen or heard of in all these years. Astonishment at the children's reaction (they are often dumbfounded at first), and amazement at your own emotions spilling out in all directions. Tip: Let it come as it comes. Don't make impossible demands on yourself and take the time to work out both the practical and emotional issues. This may include slacking off for a while and perhaps having a lot of one-night stands or regularly going to whores, soliciting escorts or visiting brothels.
Phase 2: Quitting
When the dust has settled, the divorce is finalised, the move is organised, the children have got used to two houses and, from a practical point of view, you don't have to worry about anything but "normal life", resignation sets in. Gradually you accept that your life has developed differently from what you expected, wanted and planned, and that now you are not only alone with everything, but you also have to go it alone. It takes some getting used to, but you will get used to it. You accept the fact that you are no longer two, but one, and that the relationship is really over. It goes with ups and downs, ups and downs, good days and bad days. But after a few months you will notice that you are getting along better and better. Tip: Try to actively build a new social life. Meet new people by playing sports, attending a class or meeting friends more often.
Phase 3: Getting used to it
After a while (think months) you suddenly realise that you are no longer busy "day and night". Little by little you get used to your single life and you think less and less about the time when you were together. You get used to your new life, your rhythm and enjoy the advantages that this phase of life offers you. You may even turn the other way so that you don't have to think about getting engaged again. This too will pass. It is a natural reaction to an intense and radical phase of your life. You blossom and become more open to other people. You no longer look inwards, but outwards. As soon as you realise that you no longer worry when the children are with your ex, that you enjoy your peace and quiet, that you no longer get upset when you hear "that song" on the radio, then you know that the worst is over. Tip: You are now ready for a new beginning. Whether it's alone or with a new love, that's up to you! There are many possibilities, the world is yours!
